So the last couple weeks have been challenging...I'm in this place where I don't even know what it is that I want! I love my house, then I want a different house. I love going to school, then I can't wait to be done with the final class and cannot handle the thought of going further! Who knows what is going on. What I do know is that many doors have seemed to be opening in the last few weeks and then they are slammed shut. Things are happening that I know I have to wait at least a year for (i.e. licensure for counseling and for school counseling). I want to be debt-free (who doesn't, right?) but it becomes overwhelmingly frustrating to remember just how many schools loans I have to pay back (it might help if I'd stop going to school!)! I am extremely thankful that we have been able to pay (almost) all of Luther's loans before mine are due. God has blessed us to pay off almost $30,000! Wow! So anyway, Friday was my mini-meltdown moment! I became so frustrated and I wasn't even sure what exactly I was frustrated with (or why). Anyway, Friday night I thought to myself that I need to open up the Bible and see if God speaks to me. I feel like I try this a lot and I often either don't listen or can't hear because I don't get much of a response. My plan was to head for Philippians 4:13:
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
But something told me to read the whole chapter this time. Amazingly, I found a verse that was perfect for how I was feeling.
Philippians 4: 4-7
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
How awesome to hear God's voice telling me to relax, he's got it under control. Things will work out in his timing (which is better than mine), even when it seems like the current timing for things would be awesome. I need to rely on God. Our school loans will be paid off, our house payment will go down, I will finish school one day...His timing and plan are perfect.
Then today, I'm driving home from the Zambia fundraiser (another huge blessing), when I hear the John Waller song, "While I'm Waiting." I have heard this song several times but have never really thought about the message. I realized today that the song is exactly what I need to be doing. Even though I am struggling with thinking my plan is better (even though I KNOW it isn't), I will still seek after Him and follow his lead. I posted the chorus of the song below.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
God is good and having to wait for His plan to come to fruition will be an awesome journey:)
P.S. It was calling for rain all weekend which would have canceled our car wash/hot dog stand fundraiser. Turns out that the team raised almost $1,400 in two days!! I am amazed at how many people came to get their car washed even though they knew the rain was coming. God is good!
